i believe.

i believe that i will never be good enough for anyone. 

i believe that i will always fuck things up no matter how careful i am

i believe that i will always be the girl with no friends 

i believe that i don’t deserve to be loved by someone so perfect

i believe.

AA

2/11/14, 3:40pm

Seventeen.

Heyy, It's been awhile.

I'm currently having such a boring life. Life without Faris. Ugh, why does he have to go to plkn in freaking Sabah?! Ugh, whatever. A week has passed, and yay we managed to get through it. 10 weeks more to go? Haha. Hoping that he'll get an offer letter to enrol form 6. So that he'll get out of that prison FAST.

Couldn't live without that annoying guy, man. He's been apart of me for a year now, and we see each other everyday. Every single day. Cray. It's weird that we don't find each other clingy when we clearly ARE clingy to each other. Haha. Oh well, love makes us stupid.

Oh, I'm a legal driver now. Since a week ago, finally got my license. Haha.
Continuing my studies soon. Too lazy to start now.
Probably going on a short vacation with mumsies. Because ayah is not gonna be around for a week.

I guess thats just it,
                 ciao!

Sixteen

You know what?
Im bloody annoyed.
Bloody annoyed because you think negatively. Pretty much ALL THE TIME.
God damn it mom I freaking know what im doing.
Understand and try to know me better
Rather than being busy all the fucking time.
Thanks.

X

Fifteen

One month + till SPM. Guess what am i doing? Nothing. The thing about me is Im lazy as fuck and i cant wait to get this spm shit over with.

Damn it Afrina.
I bet im gonna regret as fuck when i get my results.

SOMEBODY PLS MOTIVATE ME TO STUDY I AM BEGGING YOU *_*

Fourteen

People and their stupid fucking mouth. 
They never shut the fuck up. 
Afrina did this, Afrina did that. WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THOSE NEWS FROM?
If you dont have any prove of me doing whatever the fuck you guys said I did, dont fucking spread the news you dumbfucks.
I am super tired of hearing you dumbfucks making stories about me.
Why bother my shit when i dont bother yours?
These people really need to get kicked in the face. People who believes it also deserve a tight slap for being too stupid.
You people should all rot in hell.


Peace.

Thirteen

You know what?

I'm tired of getting accused when you have no fucking idea what is happening. I'm tired of fighting over the same thing. I'm tired of living under pressure. I'm tired of crying over this. I'm tired of hearing the same fucked up tone when you ask me something. I'm tired of living with someone who doesn't understands me AT ALL. I'm a teenager. I go out everyday, I make friends, I go home late sometimes. I'm supposed to live like this, while I can. I'm supposed to enjoy my teenage life, while I can. But no, You ruined my teenage life. By annoying my already fucked up life. Few reasons why I'm barely at home, first, because I overthink when I do nothing at home. Second, because staying at home makes me feel more depressed. Third, because I have no one in this house. I do have my little brother, but this is just different. He doesn't understand. My two elder brothers are both in Shah Alam. I barely talk to them, too. I don't feel needed in this family. I'm only a burden to them, always the useless one, always the one who got scolded by. You see, basically,  I have nobody, except my bestfriends and my boyfriend.

They are my source of happiness.

I forget about every problem I have when I'm out with them. The depression stops, when I'm with them. I love how they can cheer me up when they know I'm not okay. Even when I tried my hardest to not look unhappy. They take care of me, so well. Do YOU know I have no self-confidence? Do YOU know what kind of people I mix with? Let me clear this shit out, NO. They know me so well, when you don't know a single thing about me. You think I'm rebellious? That's fine. You think I'm an antisocial fucker? That's fine, too :) I just don't care anymore. I want to live my life. Happily.

They say overprotective parents raise the best liars.

So. Think before you ask me with that stupid fucked up voice of yours. Think before you accuse me. Think about my feelings. Think about my future. Think how to understand a girl like me. Think how badly I want to do things with you, like every other daughters do with their mom. Think, before you lose me. Think, before I grow apart from you. Just. Think.

I wish you'd be more understanding. I wish I could talk to you about everything. I wish I could sit in a car with you without getting in an awkward situation. I wish you'd spend more time with me so you could understand me. I wish you'd treat me like every other moms treat their daughters. I wish I didn't have to hide things from you. I wish, somehow, you know me like the back of your hand.

Twelve

My uncle knows I'm hiding something even when I'm faking the most cheerful smile. I don't know how he does it, but it kinda freaked me out. He came to my house for a small gathering today. He asked me to sit down and talk to him.

The old folks think I'm an asshole because I don't interact with my relatives. Honestly, Its not that I don't want to talk to them. It's just, I'm .. shy. And not just shy, I don't have self-confidence. I shit you not. I really have a self-confidence problem. I don't go around giving opinions to people. I keep it all to myself. Why? Because I don't want to sound stupid. 

The first question he asked was "How do you express yourself". I didn't even know how to answer that because I don't blog that much, I don't tweet that much, and I don't write either. And that was when I started thinking how do I express myself. 

And so he asked me to express more, give people my opinion, and don't ever think I would sound stupid because everybody has the same problem. Well, I hope this helps. *fingers crossed*